Email Etiquette for Women: Command Respect & Confidence

(Admin) The Thrivology Company
Oct 14, 2024
6 min read

Ditch the Exclamation Points! How to Write Emails That Command Respect (Without the Emojis)

Master email confidence! Ditch over-softening & command respect. 3 steps to clear, impactful communication. #femmeprenista

Let's be honest, how many times have you reread a business email, hovering over the send button, then added an extra exclamation point or a smiley face just to soften the message? I've been there, done that, bought the "I'm-so-sorry-but-also-I-know-what-I'm-talking-about" t-shirt. But what if I told you those extra flourishes might actually be undermining your authority & diluting your message? This is especially true for Foundation Builders who are overwhelmed & trying to establish clear processes for their team communications, or Visionary Leaders looking to establish a clear & assertive communication style. (FocusFocus)

It's a trap so many of us, especially as female entrepreneurs (and even more so as mothers!), fall into. We're navigating this tricky tightrope between assertive & approachable, expert & empathetic. We're conditioned to be "likeable," & sometimes that translates into overusing exclamation points & emojis in our emails, almost like a pre-emptive apology for taking up space or stating our needs clearly.

I remember vividly trying to respond to a demanding client email from Mr. Henderson (a rather impatient restaurant owner convinced his new menu launch was going to be the next big culinary sensation – bless his heart!), who seemed to think deadlines were mere suggestions, while my toddler daughter was having a full-blown meltdown over a misplaced toy car – her sparkly, irreplaceable Princess Sparkle-mobile, to be exact. It was, naturally, wedged under the sofa, where no toy car should ever venture, & she was convinced it had been abducted by dust bunnies. My initial draft was sharp, to the point, & addressed Mr. Henderson's rather optimistic timeline. Then the self-doubt crept in. Will he think I'm being too direct? Maybe I should add a smiley face to soften the blow? One particularly cringe-worthy incident involved softening a deadline-related email to a client (who shall remain nameless, though they were very fond of exclamation points themselves) which, in hindsight, contributed to a significant project delay. They interpreted my softened tone as flexibility when, in fact, I was stating a non-negotiable deadline. There was also that time an email chain with a potential collaborator went sideways because my tone was misinterpreted as passive-aggressive when, truthfully, I was just sleep-deprived and trying to decipher a cryptic request about website analytics at 3 am, sandwiched between a toddler's night terrors and the puppy's sudden need to rearrange the living room rug. Turns out, concise and unambiguous communication is key, especially when fueled by strong coffee and the constant hum of Cocomelon in the background. Lesson learned: clarity, even when potentially uncomfortable, is always the better, more responsible, and respectful approach.

Sound familiar? Thought so!

Why We Over-Soften Our Emails (& Why It's a Problem)

This habit often stems from societal expectations & the pressure women face to be perceived as "nice," non-threatening, & accommodating. We're balancing the demands of business with the often-unconscious expectation to be the nurturers, the peacemakers, the ones who smooth things over.

But here's the thing: by constantly softening our language, we risk diluting our message, undermining our expertise, & ultimately, not being taken seriously. It's like baking a delicious cake & then apologizing for offering it! You've put in the effort, you know it's good, own it! This is also a key component of the 'Flow' pillar within our Business Flourish Framework: ensuring that our communications, both internal & external, are clear, efficient, & move seamlessly towards their intended goals. (FlowFlow)

My own journey through corporate & now as an entrepreneur (while juggling four kids & a PhD!) has taught me this lesson firsthand.

We've all been there: that meeting where you had the perfect solution but hesitated to speak up, that email where you softened your feedback to avoid potential conflict, that negotiation where you settled for less than you deserved.
These experiences, while frustrating, are invaluable learning opportunities.
They teach us the importance of owning our voice, of communicating with clarity and conviction, even (and especially!) when it feels uncomfortable.

It wasn’t until I started taking ownership of my voice, being direct yet respectful in my communication, that I truly started to command the respect I deserved. & you know what? It was incredibly liberating!

From "Sorry, Not Sorry" to Clear & Confident: A 3-Step Action Checklist for Emails

So, how do we ditch the exclamation point addiction & write emails that convey professionalism & confidence without resorting to excessive softening? Here's a concise, 3-step action checklist informed by my MBA, my ongoing PhD research, & years of working with Scaling Leaders just like you:

Crystallize Your Purpose (The "Why" Behind the Email): Before typing a single word, ask yourself: What's the ONE core message I need to convey? What action do I want the recipient to take after reading this? For instance, if it's a response to a client query, your "why" might be to provide a clear solution & confirm next steps. If it's an outreach email, your purpose is to pique their interest & encourage them to schedule a call or download a resource. Knowing your core aim keeps your email focused & saves everyone time – including you!
Craft with Clarity & Confidence (Ditch the Fluff & Softeners): Imagine you're having a direct, respectful conversation with the recipient. Write like you talk, using "I" statements ("I recommend," "I need"), stating expectations clearly, & setting boundaries where necessary. For instance, instead of "It would be great if you could get this back to me ASAP," try "Please send this back by so I can finalize ." See the difference? The first is vague & almost pleading; the second is clear, confident, & respectful of both your time & theirs. This is part of our “Flow” pillar - ensuring smooth, efficient communication. (FlowFlow)
Polish & Proofread (The Devil's in the Details, My Friend): Typos are the kryptonite of credibility. A quick proofread before hitting send shows you value professionalism & attention to detail. It’s like putting on that perfect final accessory before a big meeting – it completes the look & elevates your entire presentation. I know this can feel like a chore when you are running at two different speeds & fueled by 3-hour naps & coffee (or maybe wine – I’m not judging!), but trust me, it's worth it. Specifically for emails, check for typos, grammar errors, & tone consistency. Read the email aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or unintended softeners. Are you using clear, actionable language, or are you hedging with unnecessary qualifiers? This small step can make a big difference in how your message is received.

Beyond Email Etiquette: The Mindset Shift

Mastering email communication goes beyond just knowing the "rules." It's about a deeper mindset shift, an understanding that how you communicate reflects how you value yourself & your expertise. "Identity alchemy," which is the process of becoming the person who embodies the traits and qualities needed for success, is a key part of this.

As women, we're often conditioned to apologize for our needs or downplay our accomplishments. This shows up not just in our emails but in all areas of our lives. But what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of shrinking, we dared to take up space, to own our voice, to communicate with clarity & confidence?

This is what I call "identity alchemy" - becoming the person who commands respect simply by being herself. This is the work we do in the Momentum Coaching programme to help women step into their power as leaders, both in business & in life.

Explore Momentum Coaching

Remember, you have invaluable knowledge & skills to offer the world. Your emails are just one way to share your brilliance. So, ditch the unnecessary softening & let your expertise shine!